Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
