You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
