His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
