they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
