didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
