girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
