We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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