I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
