dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
