You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
