Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
