That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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