jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
