So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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