Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
