now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
