I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
