guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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