I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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