Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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