I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
