So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
