Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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