ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
