Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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