I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
