Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
