I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
