i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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