I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
