I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
