Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
