My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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