where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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