SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
