I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
