just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
