Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
