Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
