Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
