Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
