I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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