I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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