Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
