you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im holly from the hills drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
