i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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