Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
