Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
