i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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