did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
