Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
