I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
