The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
