you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
