you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
