I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
