How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
