So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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