the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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