Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
